


Tonight I Wanna Cry

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Season/Series 05, Songfic, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-31
Updated: 2006-05-31
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: The night of 513 after Justin has left for New York.  Brian contemplating their last words to each other, their relationship and time.





	Tonight I Wanna Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: Song is: Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith Urban.  


* * *

_Alone in this house again tonight_  
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine  
Theres pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and should have been surrounds me  
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I know he had to go.  I know it.  It's good for his career.  It's where he needs to be.  So why does it feel so empty now?  Sighing, I look up to see the Brando flick I popped in the dvd player.  Muting it I take another swig of the alcohol in front of me.  He's everywhere.  Every thing here.  The sofa, the chairs, the bed...it's all him.  He's been here for so long that it's him and I.  Brian and Justin.  Justin and Brian.

_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show_  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry.

I lean back on the sofa and feel tears burn my eyes.  Shit, I'm Brian Kinney.  I don't cry.  But why does it hurt so god damned much?  Why does it feel like this is it?  Sure I told him it's only time.  But is it?  Is it really only time?  I'm trying to be strong, to be Brian Kinney.  However I just can't.  

_Would it help if i turned a sad song on_  
"All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone  
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters  
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better  
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I take another drink of the glass on the coffee table.  Shit, this is alot harder then I thought it would be.  Every time I thought, I knew he would come home.  That he would be waiting for me.  Even with the whole Ian fiasco.  But this is different somehow.  This seems final.  It shouldn't, but for some reason I don't know...I know I should get over this.  Over him because the truth is he probably won't come home.  He's in New Fucking York.  Who would want to come back to Pitts after being there?  

_Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show_  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry.

Tomorrow I'll get up again.  Start rebuilding Babylon, get on with my life.  But tonight Brian Kinney is going to sit here and get drunk.  I wipe my cheeks and notice that it's wet with tears.  When did that happen?  

I don't know why but for some reason I'm finding myself filled with anger.  How the hell could this happen?  Why did he walk away from this....from us?  Then I remember.  I pushed and pushed him that night.  I made him realize how much he needed to go to New York.  How much it would jump start his career.  And like he always does he knew it too.  

_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show_  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with this pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry.

After the tears stop falling, I get up and head to the bedroom.  I love the little shit.  I do.  There I said it again.  I'm Brian Kinney and I love Justin Taylor.  I don't know when or if we will be together again.  But like I told him.  It's only time because we love each other.  If nothing else happens.  We love each other.


End file.
